I just met this young 21 year old boy who has a very few clues at hand but
totally ignorant about life. From the moment he met me, he was watching every
single move I was making, word I was saying and comment I was making. He is a
total sweetheart who is a little bit of overweight for his age. In my time, 21
year olds were so slim and thin; moms would worry that they would die of over
masturbating and being thin. His case was different.
We were all invited for a farewell dinner because this girl from
Singapore on holiday was due to leave the next couple of days. Most of us
helped her to cook a delicious Thai meal which ended up quite late on the
table. During all that time, he was following me with his eyes, trying to
understand how things worked in the office, who we were, what we thought and
how we reacted. There was an order there, he could sense it, he knew it but he
had no idea how the strings were tied to each other to set it up. We were all
human beings waiting to end up hitting a tree so he had to watch the
signs.
When all was ready, I chose a chair which I always do to seat myself
because I kind of feel safer knowing where I will be placed. Until 10 years
ago, I would never move out of that chair since it would be my safe spot. I
would barely convince myself to move off it to reach for salt or pepper. I
would never have eye contact with any of the 15 or 25 people around me,
listening to what is discussed or the silence around me, watching to learn more
to use it later on. That was called being social. This time my safe chair could
be any chair and I left the office a few times to go and buy cigarettes and
liquor only to find him sitting at the front of the office waiting for me.
“Where did you go?” he said. “I thought you have left since you finished
cooking.” I said “No, I just stepped out to buy some raki. I am back.” He
smiled and followed me in to the office.
We talked a little bit. The food was delicious, so good and different
and felt so homey; I could eat until the next morning. She has prepared ginger
chicken, fried rice with mushrooms which I have washed and chopped. She baked
some delicious pears to go with vanilla ice cream. I could not dare to drink
anything; I would just lie on the concrete floor waiting to crack into two.
I asked him about the book he was
reading. He said it was not meant to be for everyone. The story was about a
crooked character that ended up in gutter stories. He was good looking so the
story had to be interesting. He wanted to bring the first book by the same author
and I refused. I was hungry and focused on the food. I could not look at a
book or make a comment on it yet. I had to feed myself before my mind.
While everybody was making comments on the food and joked around with
each other, he kept smiling and chuckled a few times although he did not
understand a word of Turkish. After a few bites people realized the guest of
honor and our cook besides a few other people around the table did not speak
Turkish, people started making their comments and jokes in English. The food
was lovely, music was great, we were not alone and were treated well,
we had made friends and everything looked promising and safe. Love was in the
air and it left quickly.
I looked him in the eye only to find he was watching me with a big
smile. I smiled back.
“What?”“Nothing. I am just enjoying the food.”
“OK. I thought you were watching me enjoy it too.”
“Kinda. You must be very hungry.”
“I was. Now I feel better.”
Other people listened to our conversation and were waiting for me to say something confusing or discouraging for the boy.
“You know what; you should try to learn Turkish immediately.”
“I am learning. I can say Merhaba.”
“Not bad. This is your first day after all.”
When table was cleared and it all became silent, people started
leaving because it had been a long and tiring day for most them since they have worked
under the sun and in the sea and back on the land again. I continued to sit to
smoke a few cigarettes. “I am learning. I can say Merhaba.”
“Not bad. This is your first day after all.”
Only if he knew what kind of perils were waiting for him. He would love
anything and everything just like I did and still do. People will abuse him
just like they abused me. They will take that love and use it and not look him
in the eye. He would watch trying to capture the zeitgeist and put it in his
mind frame. Would I give up and not try if I had known? Not in a zillion years!
They can put their malicious thoughts far back in their asses to feel content.
They will smile at you, call you, play you, send you away and not be around
anymore. His will and power lies in his hopes and nobody can steal them.
This will be another day, just one other day; alone or together it will
not change my past but it may change my future.
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